Ready for a New Year....

It is that time of year again, time to think of resolutions i have zero motivation to actually keep for more than a day, that is if i even start them. But you know, it is tradition, so here are my New Years goals....

- Walk daily (or almost daily)
- No more soda ( i was successful with this for about a month in September than i relapsed)
- Make an effort to cook for my family at least 3 times a week.

That is all i got. Don't need to many goals to not follow through with.

A couple of friends and a pile of dirt

I can't lie, when i left the US i was concerned that my son would be missing out on lots of fun things. See we passed our time at zoos and museums and bouncy houses and indoor play grounds. My thoughts were he would be bored here, he would miss the plastic slides with the shredded rubber floors.

Well we went to the Rancho ( a word for a remote little town) and the lady we were with asked if we should take the boys to some word i did not know and cant remember. While when we got there it was just a big mountain of dirt. My first thought was "oh boy, this is a good time here? Playing on a dirt mountain" Well i should not be so quick to judge. The kids played for hours being spiderman and and mountain climbers and sliding through the dirt. My son had a blast. No man made toys needed.

I have learned that for kids fun is what is in front of you. I just need to learn to have that same childlike view.

Church

I visited one of the two Christian churches this past Sunday. The one i tried first was Lutheran i think...nice because it is walking distance.They have three services, Thurs at 630pm and Sun at 11am and 6pm. Not sure if all services are the same, i went to the 6pm Sunday one.

Everyone was friendly, i was greeted at the door and offered water or soda. Service was  in a nice large airy building. They did not have any children's program (at least at that service) so that was a negative. They started with worship, which i loved. Very much like worship at my Church  at home. They had a worship team with drums, a guitar and singers and even a dance team with ribbons and tambourines. Very upbeat music and i actually recognized about 50% of the English versions of the songs.

We actually only made it through 30 min when Daniel would not stop crying to go home. When we left they were still doing worship. I think a kids program may be a necessity so i hope the other church has one.

Telmex

Phone service here sucks. There is one option for a landline. Telmex. We got our last months phone/slash internet bill....1250 pesos. That is about $100. We called the company to see if we could change plans. The problem is there is no plans that allow you to call cell phones for free. So every call made to a cell phone costs extra. Our base plan is $389 pesos (about $32) That includes 100 free calls. It does not matter how long you talk, your charged by call not by minute. Plus DSL and WIFi... Pretty much all the extra charges are cell phones. Seems outrageous. We are going to switch to the 599 peso plan ($49) that way we get a faster internet connection and 200 calls to landlines. Hopefully that helps. Just seems weird how the phone works here.

One week in and doing great!

I just want to say i feel like i am adjusting really well. I know it is still new and there will be a  lot of ups and downs, but for now i feel good. I miss my friends and family, but i have already made some friends (shocking for me, i am super socially awkward) and Cesar has enough family to go around.

I came prepared with my Xanax and have not needed it once, have not even come close to having an anxiety attack. Heck if things stay like this for awhile i may consider lowering my dose or going off of my daily anxiety meds that i have been on the past year.

I love sleeping in...well i get up around 7am and that for me is sleeping in, even though it is almost 2hrs earlier than anyone else is up. Gives me time to check emails and such and also now i have a walking buddy for the mornings. The town has a really nice paved walking trail, in walking distance from where we are.

It may take awhile to get used to the bugs, and the heat, and not flushing toilet paper. When you pass someone on the street they say "goodbye" instead of "hello" The streets are noisy all night and i can't buy my favorite treats at the store. Dogs run loose and i am nervous around stray dogs....but those things don't matter. I am with my husband and our son and living out what i believe to be God's plan and will for our lives.

We have arrived.....

Well it has been a long couple days, but we are here in El Grullo Jalisco and getting settled in. We left Seattle on Monday morning and it was snowing. Due to the ice melting machine breaking, we were stuck in the plane on the tarmac about 1.5 hrs, which led to missing my flight out of phoenix. Anyways, being a holiday week, flights were booked and we could not get out of phoenix until the following day. We did get first class upgrades and a hotel voucher.

While it was frustrating having to wait, it was nice to get a break mid travel to go to a nice hotel and relax. Break up the flight a bit for Daniel.  Second half of the flight went well. Arrived in Guadalajara on Tuesday around 2pm and made the 3hr drive home. Once i got here and surveyed all my luggage, plus what i had left previously plus what i sent down i am wondering where i got so much junk and just where i am going to put it.

Anyways we are having a guy come to look at the walk in closet and actually put shelving in it. Right now it is more like a storage space, which will lead to the issue that when i move my clothes in there what will we do with what is already in there???? Hmmmmm...one day at a time is my motto right now.

Harry Potter time!

Yes i am "one of those" the weirdos who flock to the midnight premiers of movies. I am particularly excited for tonight's premier of Harry Potter and the deathly hollows part 1.  This is the first harry potter movie in the theatre since i have become a fan. While the movies suck in comparison to the books it is just like something you have to go see even though you know you will be disappointed.

Oh and don't worry, i wont be in costume or anything...i am not that kooky...yet.....

Packing and Unpacking...

Holy Moly i have a lot of clothes. I have packed my four 50lb suitcases and still have a significant amount of clothes left to pack. Plus i am shipping two boxes (about 30lbs each) of Christmas gifts. I am now going to have to unpack everything and reevaluated what i really want and don't want, or else i will need to pay $100 for an extra bag on the plane. The good news is i actually love packing and reorganizing, so it is not all bad.

Six days left....

Two more weeks....

Well two weeks from yesterday we are headed out. The nerves are starting to get to me. I am happy to see my husband and be together, but in all honestly not thrilled to move to Mexico. So it is good and bad. Yesterday at church our pastor discussed moves of great faith. It seemed really relevent to where i am at. I know God is saying that going is the right thing, and even though i am scared i have to have faith in him that it will all work out.

I have two bags packed. I have two boxes packed for shipping to California where someone is going to bring them down to Mexico for us. Just 2 more bags to pack and we are golden. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we begin a new adventure and chapter in our lives.

Getting packed

Dang i have a lot of stuff! I really up until this point was not concerned with what i would or would not bring thinking i did not have much to bring anyways. Me and Daniel both have tons of clothes though. I guess my shopping habit once again is not working in my favor. As far as how much luggage we can bring, we both get 2 up to 50 lb suitcases without excess fees...than we each get a carry on. So i guess i can get most of my clothes, some favorite books and toys of Daniels, Plus various things i may or may not need. Plus Christmas gifts, as i bought most of them here.

Sigh, i suppose now is the time to donate those jeans from 10 yrs ago that i swear i am gonna lose enough weight to fit into. LOL

Question for those who ship and or mail stuff between US and Mexico

What services do you use? I have mailed cards to my husband via USPS and they take over a month to get there if they even make it. I just tried the USPS flat rate box, because a friend said she received one mailed from the US in about 5 days. I wanted to test how long that takes.

I looked at UPS and FedEx and they seem really expensive. I am not planning on shipping anything major or at all really, i am just thinking if my parents want to mail me a care package or anything what the best route to go is....

Frusterated and a bit nervous....

I had my husband check the cost of the medications i am on in the pharmacy in Mexico......They were alot....a little over $1500 pesos a month. Now that is cheaper than here, but considering the loss of income we will have that is alot of money especially in Mexican terms. More than we can afford long term at least. Now this is anxiety/depression medication so i won't die or anything if i go off it, but the possibility of not being on it is chilling. I am not ready for that.

I am going to talk to my psychiatrist on Friday and see if there is another less expensive medication i can try. The one i currently take has no generic, which accounts for the high prices. Here it would cost me around $400 a month but my psychiatrist supplies me with unlimited free samples making it possible to be on.

Anyways i am praying for a solution to this little bump in the road.

Almost 8yrs accident free...

This November will be the 8yr anniversary at my job. I have never had an accident or claim or anything. Well yesterday i shut my fingers in the safe. Not just any safe but a huge bigger than me bank safe. I have never felt pain like that in my life. Holy Moly. I thought i had lost my fingers. Amazingly enough nothing broken. A few nasty cuts and alot of bruising, but that is all. At the moment it happened though i figured i was going to be hand less. My fingers are pretty tough i suppose.

On another note, 6 weeks till the big day. People keep asking what i am doing to prepare.....uhhhhhhh nothing? Does popping xanax count? LOL. Really i am not doing much of anything other than getting Christmas shopping done. I have no loose ends. I live with my parents. I am bringing basically only clothing with me. I have given notice at my job. I really don't know what i should be doing? I am going on a tourist visa so no paper work is needed. I feel very chill about the whole thing. Maybe it is just a coping mechanism but i really don't think about the whole situation to much or for too long.

The big day....

Well i booked my one way tickets....November 22 is the big day. Seven days after my 28th birthday. Twenty eight years of living with in a 20mile radius of where i was born. Yikes. .That is all i got. Yikes

I have nothing to say but.....

I just wanted to let you all know i am still alive 8) Still planning on moving late November, and still have no actual date yet. I am blessed that i am flexible and can kinda work around what works.

I was able to send a bunch of stuff to California for a friend of Cesar's to bring down to him, which is great. It was all things i wanted, but figured it would be too hard to transport on the plane. On top of that i got a TV of overstock.com so that we can also have a TV in our room. I love watching movies and Cesar's dad watches a ton of tv so i didn't want to take TV time from him. Plus i can get a Wii fit and work out in the privacy of the bedroom.

I am getting a bit nervous about money. My husband supports both his parents and he has 2 older children from a previous relationship he also supports. Add me and Daniel to the mix it may be hard without my income. I currently still send him money on occasion, though it is usually for larger unexpected things (doctors, car problems, etc...) I have some savings, but unfortunately with the 6 trips i have made down there in the last year, it isn't what i hoped it would be. We will just have to trust God and really be frugal. (yeah i know i just said i bought a new tv....well maybe the money would have been better saved, but considering i will be doing nothing down there i need my sanity.)

I am ready.....

In November one year ago, me and my husband decided that i was going to move to Mexico to be with him. First it was in January, than March, than May...you get the idea. I kept just booking vacations, but not committing to stay. I thought i was ready, but there was just a part of me that kept saying...just a little longer. Well no more. After this trip in August, i wanted to stay more than anything. Every time i leave it hurts a little more. A little more of me is left behind in Mexico. I miss my husband. My son misses his father. Our relationship isn't what it was or should be. It is so hard to sustain a relationship over the phone. I know we will come out ahead and stronger because of our trials, but i want to talk face to face with my husband. I want to hug him and hold his hand and watch him interact with our son.

So it is set. This November. I am quitting my job and me and my son are embarking on what may be the biggest journey of our lives. I am excited. I am nervous. No set date yet. When i see a good deal i am buying the one way tickets to Mexico. I will miss my family, my friends....heck maybe even my job. But i will survive and i will thank God for every blessing that he has given me.

Dancing in the Minefields

This is a song i heard on the local Christian radio this morning. I really liked it and thought i would share. It is by Andrew Peterson


I was nineteen, you were twenty-one
The year we got engaged
Everyone said we were much too young
But we did it anyway

We bought our rings for forty each
From a pawn shop down the road
We made our vows and took the leap
Now fifteen years ago



We went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storm
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for

"I do" are the two most famous last words
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another I've heard
Is a good place to begin


'Cause the only way to find your life
Is to lay your own life down
And I believe it's an easy price
For the life that we have found


And we're dancing in the minefields
We're sailing in the storm
This is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for


So when I lose my way, find me
When I loose love's chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith, till the end of all my days
When I forget my name, remind me

'Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man
So there's nothing left to fear
So I'll walk with you in the shadowlands
Till the shadows disappear


'Cause he promised not to leave us
And his promises are true
So in the face of all this chaos, baby,
I can dance with you

Neighborhood Politics

Oh how things work here in Mexico......There is a store literally across the street from Cesar's house. This is where we get most anything we need. Well this time when i come, i am informed we no longer shop there. I have no idea why, other than "problems" Lucky for me there is another store down the block, but it is not as big and the selection sucks. I just want to use the store across the street, but apparently i would be crossing some line. Who knows.....

Also i keep forgetting....don't flush the toilet paper. I just struggle with remembering, and hence clogging the toilet. It is a hard habit to break. Anyways. All is well. Hot, muggy, but well

Hello Mexico, I am back in town...

We arrived safely after a long day of travel around 10pm last night. I did not have much energy to do anything but sleep. Didn't sleep well do to all the noise and my husbands horrible mattress. Just had a nap and am ready to relax! Catch you all laters.

I'm leaving on a jet plane.....

Tomorrow i leave for Mexico. I have the same nervous anticipation i always get. The worry about a day full of travel with a 3yr old. The excitment of seeing my husband. The fear that maybe we have nothing in common anymore or what if things are weird...(they never are, but i worry) I have overpacked. I know that. I am really hoping i get a flight attendent who will overlook the fact that my suitcases are about 55lbs each and not 50lbs. If they try and charge my the $100 overage fee, i will just unpack some stuff right there and hand it to my mom, since nothing is worth that much. God willing they let it slide though. How i will mange 200lbs of luggage and a carseat and carry ons and a 3yr old is beyond me, but it always seems to work out ok. Gotta bring as much as i can to prepare for the upcoming move.

Anyways any prayers or positve thoughts for safe travel are appreciated and i will check in when i arrive!

Hello. My name is Rebecca and I am an addict.

I know i have a problem. I have never been in denial. I just did not realize how bad it was until i started waking up in the middle of the night thinking about it. After sitting in bed tossing and turning i finally get up. Walk out to the kitchen, open the fridge and pop open a nice cold can of Diet Pepsi.  Yes that is right, i drink it in the middle of the night. I average about 5 cans and one bottle a day of the stuff. It is nuts.I know i have a problem. I know it is bad for me. I have heard all the horror stories about cancer and weight gain and what not. I don't know if is is i just dont care or i just cant stop.

I drink water too. About 5 bottles a day at work. (yes i go to the bathroom alot) I ma just a thirsty person (i have been tested for diabetes) I know it is an issue. Anyways i am not commiting to stopping. I am not commiting to cutting down. What i will say is i am gonna try and drink less. I spend crazy amount of money on soda and it really needs to end. For my health and my pocketbook. It is 11am here and i have only had one bottle and one can today. That is a big improvement. ...let's see how the rest of the day goes.

A seasoned traveler

Oh how frequent travel changes how you pack and plan. My first trip to Mexico a little over a year ago, I was a nervous wreck. I was traveling alone with my just turned two year old. I had never traveled internationally or with my son alone. He had flown once before when he was about a year old to Disneyland, but he was still immobile, nursing and napping alot. Oh how nervous i was that he would cry the whole time, that we would miss our connections, that i would not be able to handle a months worth of luggage, a car seat, a two year old and navigating through foreign airports. I started the process of packing, unpacking, repacking and making lists about a month in advance. I was clueless about Mexico...would they sell shampoo? What about pop tarts? What if i forget something? Are there disposable diapers or do i need to pack those too?Will it be available out there in this unknown world? What if i forget something?

The morning of travel finally came and all was well! My son was a champ on the 6.5 hrs of flights. Plane changes went smoothly. Kind people were willing to help. Daniel did not cry or annoy people. He sat happy in his seat with his new toy, new book and portable DVD player. On the many Mexico trips to follow i knew i could just buy soap and diapers there. I started packing a week in advance, than just a couple days. No more lists. If i forgot it i would just buy it there. My son know can even carry a little backpack with his own treats and toys for the plane.

Rather than fear travel, i feel prepared. I know what to expect. Granted i don't look forward to it. The plane ride is hard. Keeping my son entertained is not much fun. I don't usually get to read my own magazines or books, because i am entertaining Daniel. When he finally does nap i usually just flip through SkyMall.

In three weeks, we are headed South of the Border again. While i have packed two of my four giant suitcases, the only reason was to get the stuff out of my room. (No i don't need that much luggage for a two week vacation. It is all either gifts for other people or stuff i am planning on leaving there for when we move in November. Figure i might as well take us much as the airline allows me and leave it there than worry how we will move our stuff  later.) I will probably pack what i actually need for the trip the night before 8)

Thoughts on expanding my family....

I have recently found a blog I love, the author is a young mother living in Guadalajara who suffered with PPD (post partum depression) with her son. Check out her blog here. This week she is speaking about thoughts on having more babies. This got me thinking....

My son is three years old. I always wanted to get pregnant with my second child between when he was two and three. It just seemed like the perfect timing. When he turned one i started having that itch. It got stronger when friends would get pregnant or have a baby. The timing was not right though, plus after having Daniel i had really bad PPD. I won't elaborate now, but maybe some future post. Anyways, it was horrible. I don't want that happening again, though i know it is out of my control to some extent.

After Cesar left to Mexico the desire to have more kids disappeared. Maybe it was the current living situation (me at my parents, husband in another country) but even looking forward, to when we are together i am terrified of the idea of more kids. I don;t want to share my love of Daniel with someone else. I want him to be able to have things he wants, and with living in Mexico in the future, another child is another expense. I want to be able to fly home and take him do Disneyland and to the ocean and all that stuff. Not have to worry how i will afford another plane ticket.

On the flip side though, i want him to have a sibling (another one close to his age i should say, since he does have two older siblings) I want him to have that bond. I would love a little girl, and just as much i would love another sweet little boy. I would love him to have a playmate. And this may sound morbid, but God forbid something happen to Daniel, i want to still have kids. I want someone to visit me when i am old. I want grandchildren. I want my grandchildren to have cousins.

Maybe when we are all together again my feelings will change. But for now i know we are not ready, or at least i am not ready. I will instead enjoy every moment with my sweet little boy.

Here are a few pics of him over the past few years....




This is him a few hours after birth











I can't believe he was ever that small.

Here he is around 4 months. He was very pretty and everyone thought he was a girl

Around 1yrs old

Around 2yr old

Well i was gonna post some current ones, but it is taking so long that i will do it in a future post....

International travel with Children...

I don't know why, but i was thinking about this last night. If you look online or at Government travel pages it clearly states that if you are traveling to or from Mexico with your minor child, and both parents are not present you must have a notarized permission form from absent parent. Everything i read says how Mexico is really strict about this.  Anyways we have our bases covered and i have such a letter. The thing is i have traveled in the past year 6 times to Mexico with my son. Not once have i been asked to see this letter, not at the Mexico or the US end. In fact one time i gave the customs officer (Mexican side) my sons passport and he asked who it was for, because he did not even notice i had a kid.

Now i really don't care that much, since it is less of a hassle for me pulling out extra forms, but it is still kinda scary that no one seems to care. In fact, on the same note, my sons passport was done when he was 6months old. Being 3 now he does not really look much like his passport photo at all. I could just probably grab almost any 3ish brown hair, brown eye light skinned boy and go through. Again i would never do such a thing, but God forbid anyone ever kidnapped my child, i would hope that they were not able to just get him over country lines so easy.

Never google health issues.

This is a statement i struggle with. My anxiety tends to manifest itself as a slight bit of hypochondrism. Anyone who has dealt with this knows that someone who suffers from this takes every little tick and change in their body as a terminal illness. I am so in-tune with my body that i can tell every twinge i have not felt before, every bit of fatigue that is not when it should be. It is scary and consuming really. Than a side effect of this is a bit of OCD. I must Google everything. And oddly enough, i don't Google to reassure myself. Quite the opposite. I search and search until i find the worst case scenarios. The brain tumors, the cancers, the rare and unheard of diseases i must have. If my first search shows up that what i am feeling is normal or common i keep looking.

Why do i do this you may ask? I don't know. I just can't help myself. Anyways, in case your curious i may have a brain tumor, or possibly lupus or could it be cancer? I don't know, but i am recommitting to stop googling silly things.

Thoughts on immigration Reform

I was reading an article in the news yesterday about an immigration rally here in Seattle. I made the mistake of letting myself read the comment section full of hate and anger towards immigrants (actually towards Mexicans really) It is just a shame how misinformed and ignorant the public really is.

They see the word immigration and tend to think illegals coming here and stealing our jobs and money. They see reform and they think amnesty. They don't realize how much more there is to the CIR (comprehensive immigration reform) If they did i think we would see more supporters. CIR is about border security. It is about taking care of the huge illegal problem. Yes it may give a legal status to illegals, but like it or not the US will never be able to just get rid of everyone here illegally. There simply is not the man power. CIR is about looking at all that is wrong with the system and fixing it.


There is reuniting families. Looking at unfair and restrictive bans and seeing what can be done for people who are separated. There is finding solutions for a system that has a waiting time of months or years to navigate through. Taking care of problems in overcrowded INS detention centers. And this is not just about Mexicans, It is about Chinese, and Europeans, and people from Uzbekistan or anywhere who want to come to this country and make a better life for themselves.


So for those people who think CIR is just about making an illegal legal, look more into it. If you want to then say that it is a horrible idea, that is fine. That is what being in a free country is all about 8)

And the list keeps growing...

 I swear pretty soon i am going to dedicate my life to just reading blogs. I love that there are so many blogs out there of people facing similar situations. It is crazy how you click on one person's profile,(which you find on a blog you already follow) and than you follow their blog. Then you have to check out the blogs they follow. Oh yeah, add 5 more blogs to the follow list. Than how about check out the blogs those people follow. I mean it can go on all day. I don't follow every blog i see that of people like me, but i follow a lot. I think it is great!

Vacation booked 8)

I bought my plane tickets to Mexico over the weekend. I will be headed down Aug 18 to 30th. I am pretty excited. Got a good deal through Delta. which i have never flown. They connect in Salt Lake City, which makes me nervous because i have never been to that airport, so will probably get lost.

I am hoping to go to Melaque/barra de navidad weather permitting. I love the beach. We also want to go to http://www.scuniversoft.com/ac/parqueacuatico.html  Other than that, it will be shopping for furniture for our sons new room and planning the move and just relaxing!

I think we have come to a decision.

As is stands now, me and my son are going to move to Mexico this November. I am at peace with the decision. The timing finally seems right. At this point we are going to be going on tourists visas and staying the max 6months if we can. Part of me i know is wanting to do that just because i know that if i HAVE to come back to the states it will happen and i will have to have that money available to come. Plus i am lazy and don't want to deal with immigration paperwork.

In August me and my son will go for a visit, maybe 2 weeks, because if we don't than it will be 6months without seeing my husband and i just don't think i can stand that. My goal now is to really buckle down and save these next five months. I am sure they will fly by as life seems to the older you get.

Anyways just a quick update for ya all! Wish me luck and if you have any helpful advice about things to do or get ready before moving feel free to dispense it.

Postsecret of the week.

I am addicted to postsecret. I wait every week to see what is on. Sometimes i laugh, sometimes i cry, sometimes i gag. I figure i have a new "bit" I am gonna pick my fave each week and post it. See what others think.

Here is this weeks...

 Whoever wrote this, i pray for them. I pray that one day they will see a society that does not make people feel that way. I doubt it will happen, because prejudice probably will not die until the day our Lord returns to this earth.

Some things i like and a few things i don't...

♫ When the dog bites,  When the bee stings, When I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things, And then I don't feel so bad ♫

• Salted Carmels. I will pay $9.99 for a package of eight little smoked sea salt carmels at Whole Foods. Are they worth that much? I do think so.
• Starbucks. Overpriced coffee that has some secret addictive additive. I must have my lattes.
• Smore's. Who can resist these camping classics? Smear a bit of peanut butter on and i am in heaven.
• Long ribbed tank tops. I wear these under everything. My long torso makes most shirts to short. These are a lifesaver.
• Water slides. A slide with water? Enough said.
• Cheese. Mmmmm....I love cheese. It is God's food.
• Country music. Brings me back to my roots. 8)
• The Vampire Diaries...Hot Vampires. Drool
• Harry Potter and Twilight. (the books, not so much the movies)

A few things i don't like.....

• People who hate on other people.
• Wet socks
• PDA's
• Corn Tortillas
• Rolling coins. They are filthy.

Well that was a completely pointless post. But oh well.

To Kindle or not to Kindle??

I am so bored i am sitting around hoping other people will post blogs, so i figure, why don't i go ahead and do a post....

I have been tossing around the idea of getting a Amazon Kindle for like months now. For those of you who don't know what that is, it is an electronic reader. A few people at my work have them and they are pretty cool. Now for living here, i am happy with the library. But as my future holds living in Mexico, i can't help to think it would be a great way to continue reading. I hear English books there are expensive and few and far between. With a kindle i can get any book i want and just download it on to the kindle. Now i know i could read on the computer, but that is an eyestrain and just not convenient. The kindle is really cool and uses electronic ink so it looks just like a book.

I looked into the ipad as well, but well i have a laptop, i don't really need an ipad when i just want the device for using as an ereader. It is just to pricey for that. So anyways i suppose i will throw the idea around a bit more. In the end i will most likely buy it, i am just wishy washy when it comes to these things.

Any of my fellow bloggers have one of these spiffy devices??

Paranoia, Paranoia.....

I have a serious paranoia of getting pregnant. This is nothing new for me, it goes back to when i was like 15 and never had even done anything to get pregnant. I was convinced i was going to have some sort of immaculate conception, obviously in time this paranoia got worse since at some point it did become a possibility. Not a big one, but more of a possibility than before.

I am careful, but about one week before my period, panic sets in. I start thinking that i have some sort of "sign"  like oh my, i felt a twinge in my belly, must be implantation. Or i feel faint, i must be pregnant. Seriously i probably take about 5 pregnancy tests a month, before my period is even due. It is like this weird obsession that i can not recover from. I know it is irrational. I have even gotten professional help for it, and while medication helps some it doesn;t save me the money i waste on pregnancy tests.

Now my husband being gone makes that easier obviously. I get to skip some months of worry one would think, but on occasion even if i have not been with my husband i start worrying that maybe i am pregnant and just didn't know it....i found out it is not a good idea to call your husband who you have not seen in a few months and tell him you think your pregnant. He knows i am irrational at times, but he just did not get how i thought i was pregnant when i had not seen him in months, which got him a bit worried i think...anyways after i tried to explain my reasoning, i realized it did not make any sense. To many episodes of that dang "i didn't know i was pregnant" can do that to a gal.

Anyways i don't know what the deal is. We are very careful, i dont trust any pull and pray methods or charting or anything like that. Even if i did get pregnant, it would not be a big deal. I am married, have a 3 yr old., etc etc. I don't think being pregnant scares me, it is an unplanned pregnancy that scares me the most. Anyways,....enough rambling about my crazy habits. I am not pregnant and won't have anyway of becoming pregnant for awhile so i can maybe save some money on tests and relax....maybe.....

Taking the easy way out.....

I hear it a lot, "wow it must be so hard for you with your husband living in another country" and " You are so strong" It is funny though, i feel like i took the easy road. Don't get me wrong, it is hard. It breaks my heart to hear my son ask when he is going to see his papa. Phone calls and skype and visiting every few months is costly and well not enough. It is embarrassing to be 27 and living with my parents because there is no such thing as childcare at 4am, plus well it is cheaper. I hate paying all my bills myself, it sucks to go to bed alone (OK i share a bed with Daniel, but you get the point) every night. At the end of the day though, i would say that i made the easy choice. I took the wide road.

The people who i admire and who i think took the real sacrifices are those who chose to make the move to be with their husbands or wives. Who gave up everything they have here to live a life that is probably not as comfortable, to go into a foreign country and learn a new language, to be possibly broke and living a life way below the standards they are used to, just to be together. I have cheated my son out of a father because among many reasons i am scared. Scared we wont make it there, scared to leave behind what i know. I have been saying for over a year now, "in a few months we will move" Granted, until about 2months ago my husband was unemployed and financially speaking it would have been a bad choice to move there with zero income.

That is no longer the case though. My son deserves his father, and i deserve my husband. Am i going to pack my bags and move tomorrow? No, there are still some lose ends. I need to pay off my credit card, save a few more dollars, be totally sure that my husbands business is going to support us, but that should not take but a couple months.

I know that some people may feel the exact opposite, that the harder choice was staying, that moving would have been easier, it all depends on perspective i suppose.

To all my fellow bloggers and friends who are lost in this immigration battle, who are separated by borders or moved from their home to be with their loved one, continued prayers and strengths. Keep fighting, keep praying. God is good and has a plan for all of us.

(the picture above was taking from this weeks postsecret.com blog. I love postsecret, check it out!)

Wal-Mart

I hate Wal-Mart, especially the one in Renton. Anytime i go there i spend the rest of the day regretting it. I swear it is the filthiest Wal-Mart around. Just getting through the parking lot alive is an accomplishment. It is not worth fighting the madness to save like $1.00 over what i could get at Target. Yet, there is some novelty in going there. Like whenever i pass one i must go in and see if i can get some cheap crap i don't need.

Which brings me to what i found to be thrilling news. Cesar told me Wal-Mart bought land and is planning on building in his town. Considering i hate Wal-Mart i dont know why this was so thrilling to me. I think it is the need for familiarity. I "know" wal-mart, therefore having at least one little piece of american life makes me feel comfortable. My husbands town currently has no store names i recognize, nor does it even have Mexico's major chains (Mega or Soriana) So i am very excited at the prospect. The townspeople though, just like here in the US, do not want Wal-Mart moving into their town. The evils of corporate America. Big box comes in and pushes out the little guy. I know, i get it...bad news for the local smaller businesses that would be in competition. Good news for everyone that wants to get cheap crap. So while everyone in town hates the idea, i secretly hope that corporate america wins out....first Wal-Mart, than maybe a Starbucks 8)

Starting Fresh

Well, i decided to go ahead and try my hand at blogging again. I kinda felt like my life was a bit boring and who really cares, but you know i like reading other peoples blogs so why not? Plus in my unique (but really not so unique) situation there is a lot of people out there who can relate and sympathize and enjoy reading about other people with similar stories.

What is my story you may ask? Well i am married to a wonderful man from Mexico who the USA will not allow to return to this country. What terrible crime has he committed you may ask? Well many years ago he claimed to a customs agent he was an American citizen. Unknown to him, this lie would haunt him forever. In the eyes of our government this is an unforgivable crime. No action or fee or good deed can erase it. So that brings us to today.....Me and my husband have been married four years, together for about seven. We have a three year old little boy who is the light of our life. A year ago (April 200) my husband did the right and legal thing and left to Mexico with hopes of returning. Well that did not work out like we wanted as you can see and he is living there now in El Grullo Mexico (West of Guadalajara)

Me and my son have been blessed that we have been to visit every couple months, but obviously we can not go on for much longer just visiting. We hope to move down there sometime this year, maybe towards the end of the summer. I guess we are just waiting for the "right" time. Like having a baby though, there is just never a "right" time. So i guess we  are just going to wait till i get some financial things in order.


Anyways my day to day life here in Washington is not so exciting so i may have some gaps between posts, but once we finally make the move i will have more to write about i suppose.

God Bless!