The people who i admire and who i think took the real sacrifices are those who chose to make the move to be with their husbands or wives. Who gave up everything they have here to live a life that is probably not as comfortable, to go into a foreign country and learn a new language, to be possibly broke and living a life way below the standards they are used to, just to be together. I have cheated my son out of a father because among many reasons i am scared. Scared we wont make it there, scared to leave behind what i know. I have been saying for over a year now, "in a few months we will move" Granted, until about 2months ago my husband was unemployed and financially speaking it would have been a bad choice to move there with zero income.
That is no longer the case though. My son deserves his father, and i deserve my husband. Am i going to pack my bags and move tomorrow? No, there are still some lose ends. I need to pay off my credit card, save a few more dollars, be totally sure that my husbands business is going to support us, but that should not take but a couple months.
I know that some people may feel the exact opposite, that the harder choice was staying, that moving would have been easier, it all depends on perspective i suppose.
(the picture above was taking from this weeks postsecret.com blog. I love postsecret, check it out!)
7 comments:
Awww Rebecca :( You are strong, and I think both choices are equally hard... It makes me sad for you and your family that politics and red tape are keeping you guys apart... You are more brave then I am, I don't know if I could pick up and move. You are a wonderful mom and amazing wife for doing that for your family!
We all have tough choices, and we all make those choices just as best as we can. The important thing is that we just keep trying to do our best! Hang in there!
The best time to make the move is when you are at peace about it. Financial peace, peace of mind, a sense of calm in your heart. You are wise to get out of debt completely and save some money first. Your time to move will come.
A couple years ago I would have empathized with that picture. Now I can say with certainty that I am already at home and my dream is stay with my husband here. :-)
You know you really are in a tough spot and for me it was the hardest time in my life and really it never was my choice. I was only there because people told me it would be better for our case, as soon as I found that was over, I left. Moving here was the easy choice for me because I couldn't stand the other. You do whats right for you and that's the best choice. I was extremely unsensable when we moved here and maybe if I had waited like you we would be better off but for us that's wasn't what was important, its different for everyone.
When people use to tell me I was strong or they do now, I laugh because I think strength is when you have chosen to do something daring, I just kinda fell into all this. But like Leah said and especially now with all the hatred going on up there I'm glad to be here and don't really have the want to go back anymore.
Beck, you are so strong and don't tell yourself you are not. What you are going through I can't even imagine but I am proud of you and how you have been so strong through it, it amazes me i am not sure I could do it. I will keep praying for you friend! I am sorry you have to go through this :(
Rebecca, you absolutely can not look back. you have to stay focused on the present moment and your bright future!
The way I look at it, and I'm ONLY just beginning this wonderful new world, is that if I won the lottery, I would be out as soon as the money hit the bank. So, I do play the lottery often...but, in the meantime, I have a very good paying well established job here that I would be foolish to leave until my credit card debt is taken care of. Also, too, my fiance is in school and working towards a reliable job. When those pieces begin to take place more and more the doors will open for the transition. It will never be a perfect time to move...just like there is never a perfect time for a wedding or for kids, or for all those new chapters in life...we would all be single and childless if we waited for those moments! BUT, I do feel that we can prepare ourselves for the most efficent and wise approach to these life transitions!
The things that help me to feel closer to my fiance while we are apart are.... I indulge in goal setting for our future, enjoy your friends and family, spanish classes, decluttering my condo so that I can fit everything into about 4-5 large boxes to ship when the time is right, work my booty off since he is not here, pay down debt, reduce anything excessive, have small reminders of him and his family around me at home, skype, skype, and more skype....one of the most important things this time is allowing for us, too, is how we are building very strong and intense communication between us. i feel very close to him even though we are not by each other's side..immediantly. We both know it will be in the future. We look at it in two ways in order to not be overwhelmed....
1. micro level: we refocus after each mini trip that i take to mexico. once i get home we are planning the next even though it will be a month or so away. we work with those small goals and we are able to reach those and feel accomplishment and growth in our relationship.
2. macro level: really when you look at it, we are going to spend the REST of our lives together....that's hopefully 50+ more years. that's ALOT of years! so one to two years of strength building time apart is NADA! just a test that we are going to conquer!
whew! wow, this is reaching novel status, so in closing....
STAY STRONG - bc it is not easy by any means
LOOK FORWARD ALWAYS - visualize and move towards those dreams
BE EXCITED!! - it will be so wonderful when you are there and together as a family, and that is better to think about and focus on instead of the past.
FOCUS ONLY ON GRATITUDE - peace and beautiful things come out of a grateful heart!
grade brazos!
-amber h. from charlote,nc
Thank you everyone for your kind words. What a great blogging community of friends we have!
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