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This is our story of immigration struggles and moving to Mexico so our family can be together. Thanks for stopping by and hope you enjoy!

Paranoia, Paranoia.....


I have a serious paranoia of getting pregnant. This is nothing new for me, it goes back to when i was like 15 and never had even done anything to get pregnant. I was convinced i was going to have some sort of immaculate conception, obviously in time this paranoia got worse since at some point it did become a possibility. Not a big one, but more of a possibility than before.

I am careful, but about one week before my period, panic sets in. I start thinking that i have some sort of "sign"  like oh my, i felt a twinge in my belly, must be implantation. Or i feel faint, i must be pregnant. Seriously i probably take about 5 pregnancy tests a month, before my period is even due. It is like this weird obsession that i can not recover from. I know it is irrational. I have even gotten professional help for it, and while medication helps some it doesn;t save me the money i waste on pregnancy tests.

Now my husband being gone makes that easier obviously. I get to skip some months of worry one would think, but on occasion even if i have not been with my husband i start worrying that maybe i am pregnant and just didn't know it....i found out it is not a good idea to call your husband who you have not seen in a few months and tell him you think your pregnant. He knows i am irrational at times, but he just did not get how i thought i was pregnant when i had not seen him in months, which got him a bit worried i think...anyways after i tried to explain my reasoning, i realized it did not make any sense. To many episodes of that dang "i didn't know i was pregnant" can do that to a gal.

Anyways i don't know what the deal is. We are very careful, i dont trust any pull and pray methods or charting or anything like that. Even if i did get pregnant, it would not be a big deal. I am married, have a 3 yr old., etc etc. I don't think being pregnant scares me, it is an unplanned pregnancy that scares me the most. Anyways,....enough rambling about my crazy habits. I am not pregnant and won't have anyway of becoming pregnant for awhile so i can maybe save some money on tests and relax....maybe.....

2 comments:

Sunshine said...

I have the same fear, I'm always thinking...am I pregnant! I UNDERSTAND YOU!
Like...i say....we cant do anything this week...i think i can get pregnant this week. I get so scared! But why? Well maybe cause we have 4 already and one more really wouldnt make much a difference....but considering I live in Mexico and like to have homebirths....but am kind of scared to have a homebirth in Mexico...ohhh I can ramble on and on...just want to let you know that I UNDERSTAND!

Rebecca said...

Good to know i am not alone! I also avoid sex when i could possibly be ovulating.

You are brave to do homebirths! Heck i am scared to have a hospital birth in Mexico.

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